I was first introduced to the concept of the Secret Boyfriend by Mrs. G at Derfwad Manor (over there on the left) and the Cheap Chick about a year ago. This is not to say that I hadn't had secret boyfriends before - I did - I just didn't have an official title for them.
And like the Chick I have mine in groups, although I do not have one specifically for Australia. My personal favorite group at the moment are the Secret Boyfriends of the Law & Order franchise.
DUN-DUN!
I started watching L&O way back in the day when I had a tiny infant who ate 2 oz. every 2 hours, which meant I slept very little. El Jefe and I had just gotten cable (ooh! Cable!) and there always seemed to be L&O: Original Flavor (tm TWOP) episodes on at any given hour, on any given channel. So I bonded very early on with the theme music and the cast.
My favorite of all time is of course Lennie Briscoe, played by Jerry Orbach:
He was just a world-weary, snarky, entertaining guy. And in real life he could sing! I mean, he originated the role of Billy Flynn, for Pete's sakes. But Briscoe always had the best one-liners, and some seriously hot partners.
I always got a little proprietary about Briscoe's partners. When Logan left, I was bitter towards Rey Curtis. Then I grew to like Rey (mostly) and was bitter towards Ed Green when Rey left. My love was indeed fickle.
But my favorite of Briscoe's partners was the smoldering conflicted angry boy Mike Logan, played by Chris Noth:
I mean, just look at him. How could you not want to go to him and just make it all better, whatever it was and however long it takes?
Logan was a hothead and finally wound up getting a transfer to Staten Island when he punched out a homophobic politician on camera. He disappeared from the show (to go over and star as Mr. Big on Sex and the City) for awhile, and then returned in his very own special and then as a detective on the Major Case Squad. I am gleefully happy to have him back on my TV, but I miss his fabulous collection of plaid ties.
Briscoe's next partner, Rey Curtis, never really did it for me. I'm not sure why. And then when he got Ed Green as his partner I really didn't care for Ed. And then I saw Jesse L. Martin in RENT and I developed a better appreciation for Ed. Plus, he's nice on the eyes:
I'm just a sucker for a guy who can sing.
I hadn't watched the L&O: Original Flavor since Briscoe died (and Trial By Jury flopped) but was informed quite recently that one of my favorite secret boyfriends had just joined the cast as Green's new partner, Cyrus Lupo, played by Jeremy Sisto:
Isn't he pretty? And how disturbing is it that the first time I saw him and thought, "Wow, look at all that pretty!" he was playing a schizophrenic in lust with his own sister? Yeah, don't worry, I've had therapy.
My love of secret boyfriends on L&O extends beyond the original series, of course. It extends over to L&O: Criminal Intent, where the brilliant yet tortured genius that is Bobby Goren, played by Vincent D'Onofrio, resides:
Sigh. He's the kind of guy you want to cuddle and let him explain random facts about the foxglove plant and its ability to both kill AND save lives to you while you feed him hot tea and stare at his ripped chest.
But my very most favorite detective is over at L&O: SVU. First, though, we have the runners up:
Munch - I love that he is a conspiracy theorist. I love that he knows everything about everything and probably knows someone who can help with anything. I love that he is cynical, yet has a huge compassion for children. He is terribly entertaining.
His partner, Fin Tutuola, as played by Ice-T, is an ex-undercover narcotics detective. He is a badass and mouthy and I love him. He says what he thinks, even if its not always politically correct. And he has beautiful eyes.
But the end-all be-all of secret L&O secret boyfriends is of course that staunchly Catholic conservative uptight bully of a guy, Elliot Stabler, as played by Chris Meloni. He adores women and children, was a Marine and is very patriotic, clearly has Daddy issues, and is quite often shirtless. What is not to love?
OK, I originally planned on putting in a picture of Stabler in his suit, but let's be honest. Why? Why not put him in here shirtless? There seems to be a gratuitous half-naked shot of Stabler on almost every show. The advertising folks at L&O: SVU surely know their target market of women in regards to this character - women between the ages of puberty and death.
Another thing is that when you type in Chris Meloni to find a picture, the first pictures that come up are of him butt-ass naked. Apparently he was on a little show named Oz (which I never saw) where he was naked even more often than on SVU, and being that it is cable they could show a lot more skin. Now I personally did not need to see full-frontal nudity first thing upon pulling up pictures (particularly at 8am - I don't even care if it was Antonio Banderas, another secret boyfriend), but if you feel the need, just type his name right into Yahoo and click Images. Have a good time with that.
But I do adore Stabler. He truly is my favorite out of all the detectives, with Goran and Logan tied for second. Apparently I have a thing for bad boys with serious baggage. Who knew?
And to end your viewing pleasure, I provide you with a 2 in 1 shot:
Who loves you best? That would be me.
